When The Ego Saddles The Soul Like A Work Horse: A Follow-Up & Update
Hello friends and fellow catalysts :) It’s been some time since our last blog post. Much life has been lived, and I’m back with an update on where we’ve been and where we’re heading next. If you haven’t read the previous post, I recommend starting there for context. When we last connected, we explored the subjective nature of success and why using external perceptions as your measuring stick can stunt genuine growth.
Since then, I’ve had some meaningful milestones of my own. I turned inward, found fresh inspiration, and made some transformative changes—most importantly,— wrangled my soul free from the grabby grips of my ego. In short, I’ve been in the lab dismantling my mask, and boy, can that thing fight.
Kind of my favorite part about the ego…it does not go gently into the good night. It goes kicking and screaming like a banshee while knocking shit over on its way out. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way; the ego has a role to play, too.
After observing my approach to the last blog post and my mindset following its publication, I knew it was time to turn inward. So, in the name of eclipse season, a time when we are collectively reflecting on the paradigms and storylines that no longer support us —let’s review, shall we?
Follow-Up
The entire week leading up to publishing the second post reminded me of a truth I’d discovered earlier along my path. I’d been nurturing the concept of that post since January, dreaming up how I’d execute it, wanting everything to be perfect. But since I’m still finding my rhythm with this space, it didn’t all come together the way I imagined.
When I finally hit ‘publish,’ I realized I would have to take my own advice & I let myself cry my frustration tears and feel all the failure feels. I let go of what I thought it would be, accepted it for what it already is, and let my friends talk me off my perfectionistic ledge. This is when I found myself grounded in the truth that NF put so eloquently in their song Remember This.
The truth is that “perfect people don’t exist, so don’t pretend to be one”.
In our heavily filtered society, we rarely see each other as we are authentically. With this in mind, I think it’s easy to forget that perfection isn’t the goal—authenticity is. We are all perfectly imperfect, growing at our own pace. And we must give ourselves the grace to do so without shame, restrictive rules, or unattainable standards. For me, authenticity flows when I’m balanced—nourished by sleep, healthy meals, and genuine mental breaks. It’s hard to create something meaningful when your mind is a mess.
It’s easy to lose sight of these truths when we’re under pressure and in the heat of the moment. But that’s when they matter most and when opportunities for integration present themselves. Integration is the ongoing practice of weaving what we’ve learned into how we live so that these lessons become not just ideas we hold but the way we show up and respond in every situation. The first step? Remembering.
Remembering that, even when we are not nearly as balanced or as put together as we want to be or even have been in the past…that recognition alone opens up a door for a new goal to be set. It is an act of courage to come as you are. May we remember this, honor how far we’ve come, trust ourselves to keep evolving, and let the process unfold without overthinking every step as we continue to carve out what we wish to create. Can we be patient with ourselves? Life moves in cycles, and so do we.
So, let us try not to deny ourselves the exciting and blissful parts of even the most difficult cycles and vice versa.
Especially not because of self-imposed limitations and over-blown standards for ourselves fueled by an imbalanced space within. This experience confirms for me that balance is the true gateway to endured success of any kind. Accepting the yin and the yang, the good and the bad, the flow and the frustration as they come. Because, in the end, it is our failures that inform our wins and make our success whole, giving it gravity and meaning. It’s the canceled plans that make room for the Grand Plan unfolding.
Unmasking - Unsaddling
Now, despite these sentiments stirring beneath the surface, at some point during these months, my ego still managed to saddle my Soul like a workhouse, saying giddy up with no concern for the subtle process unfolding. My perfectionistic mindset clearly needed my attention so I could tune into the stories I was telling myself about the experience I thought I was having. They say our thoughts create our reality, and my mental airwaves were overrun by fear-fueled fantasies.
In reality, I was coming into a different perspective, adjusting my vision, and gaining clarity on different approaches I could take—both in my life and this space. But the ego isn’t interested in that. It’s concerned with outcomes, timelines, and appearances. None of which the Soul concerns itself with. It moves to its own rhythm and will not be rushed. To unsaddle my Soul from my ego’s control, I am learning to practice detachment. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, Deepak Chopra, Bestselling Author and Meditation Revolutionary—sums it up nicely here:
Spiritual detachment is about your consciousness being established in your true self, and not being overwhelmed or lost to the object of experience. It’s not an intellectual or mental exercise of telling yourself that your inner self isn’t affected by circumstances—it has to your actual state of consciousness. This state of non-attachment develops gradually through meditation as the silent center of the self grows stronger and stronger until it is permanently established regardless of what you are thinking or feeling.
Short of living this ideal state of detached awareness, remind yourself when you have hard deadlines or weighty decisions to make, that all you can do is do your best, and your best is enough.
This is why I love meditative practices. It helps me distinguish the voice of ego from the voice of Truth, which is essential because as we evolve, our Soul evolves, and so does our Ego. Learning the language of the Soul and the inner landscapes they belong to, making it much more difficult to recognize…if we’re not paying attention.
So many voices, thoughts, concerns, and considerations run through our minds on any given day, but how often do we ask, “Who is talking?”. Slowing down and stepping into meditation (or “the lab” as I like to call it) is where we come to pay attention. It’s where we unearth more Self-awareness, which is the most valuable knowledge any of us can hope to have, in my opinion. Knowledge is power, after all.
Let my Ego tell it… I was taking too long, failing my own project, and wildly in over my head. Whether we believe these fear-based judgments comes down to choice. In future conversations, we will dig deeper into this dance between the Ego, culture, and creativity, so stay tuned if this resonates.
By no means do I think the ego is the enemy. As I mentioned before and will continue to reiterate, it’s not about good or bad; its about balance. The ego seeks to protect and defend; that is its job. It mitigates risk and assesses threats. It is, however, also constantly looking for something to identify with to establish a sense of security. For me, it’s been writing and expression. For you, it may be a different medium, like fashion or music, being a plant parent, maybe being able to put up the fattest numbers at your company, or being in the perfect relationship. I could go on, but the point is that I think it’s helpful to remain mindful of where we find our identity, especially in a realm where everything is transitory.
As my therapist so lovingly reminded me (and I want you to apply this to whatever it is that you do), writing is a way of life. It is a means through which I connect to my Soul and The One that gifted it to me. Yes, it is something that I do, but it is not who I am. Words seek to describe and depict, but what I am, what I feel, what I experience at my core, the Self that survives each transformation, cannot be contained to any one word or sentence, post, playlist, or creation.
We can use language to try and reach toward the ineffable, and we may get close, but it's important to know that where we land is never the final destination. There is always more to know, more to discover. More that could prove you wrong or confirm you right. The conclusions, the outcomes are welcome but I doubt they are ever the point. Seems to me the point is the process and the progress we make within it.
Language can never live up to life once and for all. Nor should it. Language can never “pin down” slavery, genocide, war. Nor should it yearn for the arrogance to be able to do so. Its force, its felicity, is in its reach toward the ineffable.” - Reach Toward The Ineffable by Toni Morrison (1993)
I’ve been navigating this transition period over these past months, finding myself somewhere in between selves, unsure of how to articulate what I’m experiencing. Maybe I’ve been hesitant to claim a perspective I might soon outgrow. But I’m realizing that speaking from where I am now isn’t a commitment to permanence—it’s simply a testament to where I’ve been. So, with my Ego’s grip loosening, I’ll keep on singing this Soul song, embracing every step of the process.
Moving Forward
As a collective, we are transforming and making shifts. The Catalyst. is now different, so here are some updates that have come out of our Reconstruction Era:
We'll be moving forward in a Series format to add structure and organization to the mix. The theme of this upcoming series is The Pursuit of Peace —a series where we will explore the following themes & how they can serve as catalysts toward deeper self-knowledge:
Divine timing & The non-linear nature of progress
Patience as a virtue & Contintuity as a covenant
Starting over
Acceptance | Trust | Forgiveness | Authenticity | Reciprocity
Balance & Peace as perfection
Tapping the inner-well
Contrast that brings clarity | Getting a new lens
Releasing resistance
Introducing: Collective. | Community.
We now have two spaces to engage in conversation and reflection!
The Collective. — A free, open space featuring general posts, Catalyst. updates, and quick reflections. A place to check in and be a part of the ongoing dialogue.
The Community. — A members-only space where we deep dive into each topic, offering more personal, nuanced reflections and intimate discussions. It’s a space for those who want to explore in greater depth and engage with my personal journey.
The foundational philosophy of this community is that we are all on a journey. While each path is unique, the journey —the experience of navigating its highs, lows, and in-betweens, is universal. This community is a place where we honor that collective experience and support one another through every step. These spaces allow us to dive into our unique interpretations of the journey, offering room to explore, express, and connect—embracing the courage it takes to share our perspectives and the deeper meanings we uncover along the way.
So, I’ve created these separate yet connected spaces with this in mind, but I’m no capitalist, so for the Community. space, it is a one-time 2.22 USD fee for full access to all posts. (this may be subject to change)
We have an Instagram ! Follow us over there for community updates, collective conversations, mini blog posts that are free and accessible to all, and more!
Introducing: The Sounds of The Seasons. A curated musical library for The Catalyst. Community. designed to accompany your journey. Music is and has always been a medicine of mine. So, I hope you guys can find a similar remedy in these lists. Plus, we have a new feature where you can submit songs/albums to be included in upcoming playlists!! Check out the link in the bottom footer if you want to share your musical inspirations.
Introducing: The Poetry Portal. This page has no reason but lots of rhyme, no plan or structure. It is just a space to house the poetry that has come out of my journey thus far. Like the Sounds of The Seasons, I eventually would like to make this a space that you all can contribute to and submit your poetry or notes app ramblings. All will be welcome.
Until then, I bid you adieu but if you are still here…Tell me:
What is a time that you failed, and it set the stage for future success? Can you recognize your Ego's voice when it is both in and out of balance? If so, what does it sound like? What’s something you once found a sense of identity within but now no longer resonates with you?
Answer these questions & join the discussion by clicking the Instagram icon below!
